Matchability

What’s on Megan’s Mind?

“How fast can you find me a match?” is a question I’ve gotten used to answering in consultations. I usually reply by discussing that client’s “matchability,” but for those of you who may have started working with us during the early days of the Project, the term might be unfamiliar. If it sounds like a made up word, that’s because it very much is. Matchability desribes how an individual’s needs, preferences, and priorities impact the ‘pool’ of available matches for them. 

I want to take some time to break down matchability for you all, both so you can understand how we’re using it, and also so you can understand its limitations as a way to evaluate your likelihood of meeting someone through Synchrony. While matchability doesn’t necessarily answer ‘How fast can you find me my spouse?’ it can answer, ‘How likely am I to meet someone who could be a viable partner for me, at least in terms of basic alignment?’ 

I want to be really, really clear that matchability isn’t a measurement of your attractiveness or desirability. It can’t answer the question, ‘How many people are likely to want to date me?’ because it’s aimed at finding the people who actually can feasibly date you, and who you would be equally inclined to want to date. I’m going to describe peak matchability with two Synchrony client caricatures. These are fake profiles, and do not in any way represent actual clients who we are currently working with or who we’ve worked with in the past; neither of the two people I’m about to describe are realistic. These unicorns represent the type of person I’d be asked to create over and over if I had a giant “Spouse-O-Matic” replicating machine that could churn out ideal partners. I have yet to meet either of the people described below in the form of a real client:

The Most Matchable Man:

The most matchable man I could work with would be someone in his mid-40’s who had never been married and who has no children. He’s likely not someone you’d consider to be extremely attractive off-hand, but he has a great personality and a wonderful sense of humor. I get the sense from chatting with him that he’s self-aware and emotionally intuitive. He doesn’t expect to marry a supermodel, and in fact, he finds himself more attracted to curvaceous women with vibrant personalities. He’d happily date anyone ten years his junior or ten years his senior; he feels like stage of life is more important than age. He’s open to matches of any race or ethnicity. He’s intelligent, and works remotely–he could be based out of any city in the USA or elsewhere, and is open to moving for the right person. He’s very committed to his local church and is willing to help wherever he can, but he’s not interested in platform or pulpit ministry, and doesn’t need to have a specific role or title in the place where he serves. He’s always loved the idea of having biological children, but believes that families can take many forms–he’s not opposed to dating someone who already has children, or who isn’t able to have children herself but is willing to consider adoption. He’s not scared to ask direct questions and is excited to have deep conversations with someone new, and doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Why he’s matchable: This gentleman would be seriously matchable because he has very few preferences or logistical barriers that would prevent him from being a match for women in a wide variety of personal circumstances:

• His preferences are open to a 20-year age range, spanning from the mid/low 30’s to the mid/upper 50’s. He also doesn’t have specific preferences for or against women who want or can have biological children, so he’s open to building a family with a woman at any point in her fertility arc. 

• His career and church service work are both stable, well-established, and flexible. He can change his location as needed and is a ‘Swiss Army Knife’ for any church congregation, able to add value in a church of any size. 

• He has reasonable expectations for his match’s level of conventional attractiveness, and challenges some of the thin-preference that is so pervasive in the culture. He doesn’t express preference for any specific cultural background in his matches and is open to an interracial relationship. 

• He has a perceptible level of emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and communication skills. These traits indicate emotional stability and a willingness to discuss challenging topics. 

The Most Matchable Woman:

The most matchable woman I could work with would be a short, caucasian woman in her late 20’s or early 30’s, who has never been married and has no children. She is slim (likely somewhere between a standard dress size 4 and a size 8), moderately conventionally attractive, and has long hair. She works in a remote environment or has a very versatile job (such as skilled nursing) where her skills are likely to be sought after in any state, making relocation easy. She’s athletic, fun-loving, and easygoing, with varied hobbies and interests and a natural curiosity to explore new things. I get the sense from speaking to her that she’s even-keeled, not prone to rapid changes in her emotional state, and steady in a crisis. She has a quick wit and loves to laugh, and doesn’t mind being a bit goofy when the moment calls for it. She doesn’t have preferences when it comes to the race or ethnicity of potential matches. While she finds men who are larger-bodied than she is to be attractive, she isn’t concerned about finding a specific physical aesthetic–a shorter, stockier man is just as attractive to her as a very tall, very thin man, or anyone in-between. She’s open to dating men who are balding or who have chosen to shave their heads.  Age-wise, she’s comfortable with matches 10-15 years older than she is, and also men 5-7 years younger than she is. She definitely wants to have biological children and has no pre-existing medical conditions that she knows would preclude that. She could also see herself stepping into a step-parenting role for someone who has been married before and has children from a prior relationship. Her outlook on finances is flexible; she makes enough money to sustain herself and isn’t worried about her potential spouse bringing a significant amount of money to the table, but could also see herself being an at-home parent in the future if her spouse’s finances enabled that possibility. She’s involved in her church and committed to serving in the Kingdom, and is equally excited about cultivating a warm home environment for her future family.

Why she’s matchable: This woman is likely to fit the core criteria that most men in the pipeline have expressed interest in. This gives her broad appeal in a relatively tight matching pool, and flexibility to date a variety of men in different walks of life:

• She doesn’t set hard expectations for a specific career or physique, and is open to men with a variety of life circumstances. 

• She’s both logistically (in terms of finances and location) and emotionally flexible; she creates a space where her partner can express himself freely without fear of being perceived as “too much” or “not enough.”

• She’s physically attractive to the majority of potential suitors, which creates a security around the idea of ‘lasting’ chemistry. 

• She’s eager to have a family and appears to have no fertility barriers preventing her from carrying a healthy pregnancy to term.

Once again, neither of these caricatures is reflective of a real person. I’ve never met any client who fits all of these criteria, and likely never will. Every client’s matchability is limited by some facet of their preferences, needs, or characteristics, and that is ok. 

When I assess someone’s relative matchability against the characteristics that are most sought-after by the pool of their potential prospects, it helps me identify how broad or how narrow the population of prospective matches is for them, based on who I know is in the pipeline now. 

Here’s where it gets tricky: it only takes one person who is a great fit for someone to blow their matchability metrics out of the water. I’ve worked with people who weren’t super matchable to start–maybe their circumstances limit their ability to relocate, maybe they are part of an age demographic for which there are relatively few potential matches, or maybe they have specific personality or skill criteria based on the needs of their family or their future calling. Those things can narrow the pool significantly for them, and during their consultation I’d likely say that I’d be looking for a needle in a haystack, but would be happy to look as long as they’d let me. 

My job as a matchmaker is to be honest with you about your odds in case there are places in your life where you can adjust your criteria and broaden your matchability. However, I also want you to have hope if you’re reading the above profiles and trying to grade yourself against them: it only takes one person who is matchable with you to create a great opportunity. Over and over, I’ve seen couples with two difficult sets of matching circumstances come together into a perfect fit, and ride off into the sunset. None of us are globally matchable. You can’t have a satisfying puzzle or artful mosaic made up of pieces that are all the same shape. 

I hope this helps give you some insight into how we work. I also want it to bring you hope. Matchability isn’t everything–it’s an educated guess on my part. I love it when God surprises me.

Sincerely, and with love,

Megan

Resources

I often get questions from people asking where they can connect with great Apostolic counselors or therapists. I believe everyone can benefit from speaking with a counselor before or during their dating season; it’s so valuable to unpack your emotional baggage before you start a trip with your future partner. We recommend that folks reach out to the amazing team at Concierge Counseling Services. All of the practitioners are licensed mental health counselors as well as licensed Apostolic ministers. This enables them to work with a broad range of clients in various locations. Synchrony clients who have completed a consultation are eligible for a discounted hourly rate, so feel free to email me about that if you’d like to know more. For non-clients or for prospective clients, please check out the website here: https://www.conciergecounselingservice.com/

Announcements

Speaking of matchability: one of my amazing female clients has a unique set of contingencies on her matching experience, and I’d love to know if there is someone reading this who would be a great fit for her. She is in her early 30’s and lives in the Midwest. She loves to travel and experience new cultures, and has a heart for Kingdom work. She would ideally like to date someone relatively close to her own age, but has decided that she would not like to become a parent in the future (biologically or through adoption). If you are someone–or if you know someone–who would potentially be a good fit for her, please reach out!

Ladies, we will be re-opening our pipeline for new female applicants on August 1st! Some things to think about with that:

• If you are an existing client (meaning you have had a consultation with me at some point in the past) you do NOT need to book a new consultation. Just email me and we can set up a time to check in over a call and get your profile updated. 

• The consultation time blocks will be first come, first served! If you have added your name to the waiting list, keep an eye out for that email on August 1st so you can jump on and book quickly. I have about 180 consultation slots available between 8/1 and 12/31, and just over that number of ladies are on the waiting list now. If you’d like to get your matching started this year, be sure to move fast when the pipeline opens!

• Pricing and discount announcements will drop toward the end of July; please stay tuned.

Pipeline Profile

By the numbers:

• Available women: 148

• Available men: 30

• Matches in progress: 4 (8 people total)

This week has been logistically challenging for me, and I want to apologize to any gentlemen who I talked to about a prospect and who are still waiting on their meeting polls--that's on me! I will be out of town the week of 7/13 for my regular job's (I work for a software company) annual company retreat, and this week has been very hectic with preparation for that. On a positive note, we have four new matched couples who met during dates hosted over the last couple of weeks! I'm excited to see how those connections develop, and I hope to be back on my organizational wagon soon.

Hey Single Friend, 

Welcome to Love Notes! I’m so excited that you’re here. If you’re new: Love Notes are weekly updates from Megan, designed to give you a boost of encouragement and keep you looped in on all of the happenings at The Synchrony Project. These are always written straight from my heart, never with AI.