Puttin' Up for Winter

What’s on Megan’s Mind?

It feels like Satan’s armpit in North Central Florida right now, but all of the stores are coming out with pumpkin-scented whatnots and I am already craving fall. There’s something about the shift to cooler weather that feels cozy and delightful to me, and maybe it’s just because for us it’s such a fleeting season. 

I know for some people, fall and winter mark the start of a very difficult time of year. For anyone struggling with loneliness, fall is the start of The Holidays, with the accompanying music, social engagements, and traditions that, once again, must be witnessed alone. It goes without saying that I wish everyone reading this could look forward to that season with someone at their side. 

If fall and winter are going to be difficult seasons for you, then it’s time to do what our forefathers did and set aside some things for the colder months. The reason why we love cinnamon/nutmeg/clove-spiced dishes in the winter is because historically, our ancestors used a lot of preserved ingredients during the coldest months to produce foods that were varied and flavorful when there was not much available to harvest. As the summer nears to a sticky close, it’s time for us to put up our last batch of apple butter and peach preserves so that we can have something sweet to look forward to when things are much darker, and much colder, and much more bleak. 

While I’m sure someone reading this is definitely into canning and preserving, I’m not actually talking about food. What I would encourage you to do as a single person is to take time now to make a plan for how to celebrate in these seasons when you don’t feel much like celebrating alone. Intentionally putting aside some resources for yourself so that you can do something delightful can help stave off a bit of the loneliness, although I know the things I’m about to suggest may not erase it for anyone. The goal of these recommendations is to give you something to look forward to, and the time to plan that is now, before the Christmas lights go up. Take what feels useful to you, and leave the rest. Avoid telling yourself that these things are “obligations.” The best choice for you this season may be just to conserve your energies and get some extra rest in, and that’s also valid. 

1. The Weekly Treat Tradition: if you’re the type who enjoys a seasonal latte or a pumpkin-based trinket, or if you’re heading into a sporting season that excites you, see if you can carve out a small budget for a weekly or bi-weekly “treat yourself” tradition. The goal of this is to give yourself a reason to do something special, just for you, and just for this season. This should be time that is spent doing just what you enjoy, where you enjoy doing it, that you keep ‘sacred,’ like a doctor’s appointment.  You don’t have to spend money, but if you want to budget for this you could buy yourself a couple of gift cards and tell yourself that you can only spend what’s on them between now and the New Year. Some examples:

1. A hunter may enjoy a weekly visit to the archery range or the outdoor store.

2. A coffee lover may enjoy going to their favorite coffee shop for a seasonal latte, with a set of noise-cancelling headphones and a book or a feel-good show to watch in a corner. 

3. A curious extrovert may want to take a new exercise class, art class, or join an interest group of some kind (check your local library and community FB groups for information about these) to meet new people and learn a new skill. 

2. Practice your “No:” Single people are often called upon during the holiday season to put in the grunt work to make church events run. I definitely do not want to discourage anyone from serving, but please know that it is ok to say “no” to being involved in the Christmas drama AND the banquet planning committee AND the Friendsgiving hosting, and, etc. Pick what is special to you, and say yes to just that thing. For everything else, it is ok to say, “I’m so sorry, I have a conflict.” You don’t have to justify it or explain why, and you don’t have to feel guilty for doing that (even if you are a member of the pastoral family…*wink wink*). If it helps, remind yourself that when you create a void of ownership, it’s an opportunity for someone else in the church to be used. If needed, suggest an alternate owner for the tasks you’ve been asked to handle, like “I’m not able to be part of the Christmas play this year, but [insert name] was really interested last year and would be great at it!” 

3. Prioritize the people who fill your cup: when friends come into town for the holidays and family gatherings start to fill up the calendar, it can be difficult to make space for the people who pour back into your life as much as you pour out. Make a list of people who energize you and with whom you feel the most free to be yourself. Before the holiday schedule sets in, make a plan with them to go somewhere or spend some special time together. Even if this is a recurring Zoom coffee date with a long-distance friend, it can make a massive dent in the exhaustion and overwhelm of the season, and make sure that the free time you re-gained by saying ‘no’ isn’t empty and lonely. 

4. Make this season a time of reflection: we love a New Year’s Resolution, but we (I’m preaching to myself here) often don’t put in much effort into deciding what they will be ahead of time. There may be a million things you want to accomplish in the near future, but it might be worth spending some time in this season figuring out ways to future-proof your life against some of the worst impacts of loneliness. Here are some guiding questions that may serve you well:

1. When do I feel most lonely (time of day, season, holiday)? What is it about those times that is so difficult?

2. What could I do during that time that would help me process the loneliness, or maybe connect with someone else who may be lonely also?

3. How do I want those moments to feel different in the coming year, regardless of whether a spouse enters the picture? 

4. What small habit or process can I put in place now that would help me feel more like what I described above, and less lonely, during those times?

I hope these tips come across as helpful, and not patronizing. I never want to suggest that loneliness is something that can just be whisked away with positive thinking and a pumpkin spice latte. Think about this exercise as “environmental modification.” When someone has an injury or chronic illness, they may have to modify their environment to minimize the opportunity to hurt themselves further or trigger a flare up. That’s what we’re considering here: how can we prepare for the emotional “chill” that can come with these cozy seasons, and give ourselves the best chance of navigating them without falling into a dark place?

My hope for all of you is that this season will be full of rich conversations, warm connections, and hope. After all, the end of one year is just an opportunity for another to begin, and next year could feel so very different. 

Sincerely, and with love,

Megan

Resources

This is going to age me, but to go along with the seasonal theme of this newsletter, I’m linking one of my favorite songs by Dove Award-winning singer and songwriter, Nichole Nordeman. I used to listen to this song on repeat, and it still has things to say to me so many years later. 

Listen to: “Every Season”

Announcements

We’re under construction with some exciting new initiatives right now! This is just a teaser, but we’re working hard to put some resources in place so that our churches can provide their singles with a better Apostolic Dating template, and I am excited about it. 

Pipeline Profile

• Available men: 40
• Available women: 168 (plus some that I’m still doing intake for)
• Matches in progress: 8 (16 people total)

As I mentioned on this week’s podcast, I’m behind on EVERYTHING related to matching right now, and I’m begging for your forgiveness and patience. That said, I’ve been really excited to meet some ladies recently who I think are potential matches for some male clients I haven’t been able to match in the past, so I’m hoping to get the ball rolling on that soon! We’re re-working our schedules right now to make more time for this, so I’m hopeful.

Hey Single Friend, 

Welcome to Love Notes! I’m so excited that you’re here. If you’re new: Love Notes are weekly updates from Megan, designed to give you a boost of encouragement and keep you looped in