K-I-S-S-I-N-G

What’s on Megan’s Mind?

We love it when things happen in a predictable order. Or at least, I do. As a five year-old, I expressly asked my parents to throw me a surprise party (the idea sounded fun) only to hide under a car when my relatives actually showed up to gently yell “Surprise!” at me from our living room. Lesson learned: surprises are not my thing. 

You might be more into surprises than I am, but I think most of us like for our lives to feel somewhat predictable, at least about the big things. If we go to school, we want that to result in graduation, and then in a job. If we work at one company for many years, we expect that job to yield a decent retirement. We like when things move in linear progressions from start to finish, and when a process delivers “guaranteed results.”

I remember the rope-jumping rhyme a lot of us probably chanted on the playground–maybe this was more of a thing for elementary-aged girls? In any case, it went like so:

[Classmate] and [Classmate]

Sitting in a tree, 

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love, 

Then comes marriage, 

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage!

Most of us heard this in the context of a taunt directed at two classmates or friends who seemed a bit too much in puppy love. But I think it also represents the linear perspective we all have on how our life is supposed to go. I had a high school teacher who would loudly intone, “It’s high school, college, marriage, children– IN THAT ORDER!” She was doing a great service to the 100 or so rowdy and hormonal seniors in her Biology classes. Still, all of these mantras have the result of quietly tricking us into thinking that the linear path is the only acceptable progression into adulthood. That if you don’t progress from k-i-s-s-i-n-g to love, marriage, and babies, you’ve done it wrong. 

The reality is that for most of us, life is the opposite of linear. We’re primed for things to happen in a certain order and are surprised when our carefully-laid plans are ruined by a failed college class, the death of a loved one, or a worldwide shutdown due to COVID. “I just knew I was going to be married at 25,” is something I’ve heard so many people say. Married by 25, kids by 27, retired at 40. It is shocking and grief-inducing (rightfully so) when those plans are dashed and we have to rebuild the narrative of our lives around a different, more melancholy poem. 

If you’re still waiting for your love story to begin, please don’t convince yourself that the chance has already passed you by. What I’ve begun to see in the short time that I’ve been matchmaking is that while the waiting can seem to take forever, the shift into a new phase is sometimes lightning fast. I meet many people who are returning to singleness after divorce or loss and who feel like the story they have landed in could not possibly have a happy ending. It has felt that way for countless people since time immemorial when things don’t go to plan. I think of Abigail, married for who knows how long to a tyrannical fool, probably languishing in a house that felt abusive and hostile. A split-second decision to embark on an errand of wartime diplomacy put her in the path of the raging warlord who planned to kill her and her entire house, and somehow out of that she found her royal love story. Imagine that as a playground rhyme!

Sometimes the waiting period is just empty, and that takes a different kind of endurance. I’ll reference one of my female clients who attended Bible college, served in some of the largest Apostolic churches in the nation, was part of many ministries and bridal parties, and still hadn’t found the right person when she arrived at Synchrony at the age of 46. Even after she became a client, the landscape was barren. I didn’t have anyone in the correct age range, with the same intense curiosity or hunger to understand people and scripture in the way that she did. Ya’ll– I loved this client. She is to this day someone I respect so deeply and cherish as a friend, and I was devastated that I had no one for her. 

She was 48 when I finally had the pleasure of introducing her to a match. After two years of waiting, my biggest fear was that this would be another disappointment– that expectations would be dashed again and she would have to grieve another year without any prospects. 

They met at the beginning of January. By February, they had flown to visit each other’s churches and families. By April, she had a tentative wedding date in mind. They were married in August. I cried harder at that wedding than I’ve cried at any wedding before! As we chatted throughout their courtship and engagement, she and I were both struck by how seamlessly things were falling into place– the sale of her house, the availability of a new job in the area where she was moving, the friendship and approval of their respective church leaders, the connection she felt to his teenage children. It was as though we had watched the Lord painstakingly place dominoes in her life, one after the other, until the picture was complete. When He toppled the first domino, everything came together in a flurry. I don’t want to make it sound like this couple was rushing headlong to the altar with abandon and ignoring all the roadsigns– they are one of the most intentional couples I’ve ever met. But when the dominoes started to fall, every sign pointed to “yes.” 

I hope this encourages you to ignore the nursery rhymes. God is the author of your story, and I believe that he can weave good and beautiful things out of any scenario. I believe so deeply that if you and I can continue to put our nose to the grindstone and try to heal loneliness at its source, that the Lord will line up the dominoes. 

I can’t wait to see everything fall into place for you.

Sincerely, and with love,

–Megan

Resources

I wish I had something really valuable for your single season to drop in this resources section, but I’ll be honest–I’m behind on my extracurricular reading. Instead, allow me to bless you with something to kick off your soup season. It’s greens and beans season in the South, ya’ll– this soup has all of the flavors that I love and frankly it’s all I want to eat right now. It’s also insanely high in iron and fiber, and I’m not about to let ya’ll be anemic or struggling with high cholesterol. Here’s a quick video of how to make it on YouTube. Bake you some cornbread and enjoy. 

Announcements

Just a gentle reminder that even though our ladies’ pipeline is currently closed, gentlemen can sign up at any time and start their matchmaking process! But ya’ll– if you book a meeting, please show up. Otherwise I just sit there on the camera feeling sad until Steven comes to get me from the shed. It’s really depressing. Make sure you leave your phone number in the Calendly booking window so that you get the text message reminders! You can cancel a consultation at any time through the “Cancel” link in your confirmation email.

Pipeline Profile

By the numbers:

• Available women: 191

• Available men: 44

• Matches in progress: 10 (20 people total)

As you can see from the spike in our numbers, I’m starting to get our pipeline management tool cleaned up and aligned with our most recent batch of consultations. I’m sure that we’ll be crossing into the 200s for active female clients soon, and I’d expect to hit 50 available gentlemen (besides the 10 that are currently being actively matched) as well. I do have 13 people in my “no showed consultation” column right now, which means that they never came to their consultation appointment. If you’re reading this and thought you had an appointment, but can’t remember when it was, please look for a Google Calendar invitation in your gmail and make sure to add the event to your personal calendar. And no judgment-- I have too many calendars to keep track of and still can't remember what day it is.

Hey Single Friend, 

Welcome to Love Notes! I’m so excited that you’re here. If you’re new: Love Notes are weekly updates from Megan, designed to give you a boost of encouragement and keep you looped in on all of the happenings at The Synchrony Project. These are always written straight from my heart, never with AI.