Welcome to Love Notes

Hey Single Friend, 

Welcome to Love Notes! I’m so excited that you’re here. If you’re new: Love Notes are weekly updates from Megan, designed to give you a boost of encouragement and keep you looped in on all of the happenings at The Synchrony Project. Always written from the heart; never written with A.I. 

What’s on Megan’s Mind?

We are the village. About a decade ago, I read a book by Aziz Ansari (yep, he’s one of the actors on Parks and Rec, and no, I wouldn’t recommend this book to an Apostolic audience) called Modern Romance. It was a comedic look at modern dating culture and was a bit rough around the edges, but it had some good social science ‘bones.’ One part of the authors’ study involved interviews with elderly married couples who were living in retirement communities together, and who had been married for many years. Ansari and his coauthor Eric Klinenberg gathered all sorts of details from these couples about how they met, what their dating relationship was like, and what their outlook was on marriage and partnership. One thing they found was that these couples almost always lived in the same geographic location at the time of their meeting. In fact, they often lived in the same neighborhoods, attended the same churches, or were connected by other social networks (like belonging to the same ethnic enclave community). Very rarely did these couples bump into each other completely randomly, without having any mutual friends or acquaintances tying them together.

This trend makes sense, given that there was no such thing as online dating in the 1950’s and 60’s, and long-distance dating meant high phone bills or lots of paper and stamps. It’s worth remembering that for most of human history, mate selection has been extremely local, and grounded in our social networks. Only recently have we developed a sense that a partner could exist as part of the sea of people who we have never met and with whom we have no prior connections. Even in the handful of Biblical courtship examples we have, couples formed based on pre-existing social networks. There’s a reason Abraham insisted that Isaac marry one of his cousins, instead of a woman from an unrelated tribe. 

The idea that Singles are supposed to just venture out into an unfamiliar world of prospects and find a viable partner is new and fragile. We’ve taken what has always been a community effort (to build strong families, share resources, and forge deep ties of filial loyalty) and have made it an individualistic, private exercise in interpersonal risk. Even the concept of having a “wing man” introduce a friend to a potential dating partner feels a bit cringey; we often think that the surprise “meet cute” is the dating ideal. 

I think we’ve lost something important by separating dating from community. We see the dating landscape as a place to compete for the most eligible partners, but not as a place where we’re motivated to support each other’s search. It should be normal (especially in the Church body) for friends to ask single comrades about their dating preferences, and to take pains to actually facilitate interactions between their single acquaintances. We shouldn’t be overwhelmed with cringe when those introductions go sideways or don’t result in a long-term connection; dating entails risk, and that’s ok. 

Outside of my capacity as a matchmaker, I want to make more of an effort to suggest connections between my single friends, and see what develops. If you meet someone online or in person who expresses interest in you, but who you can’t see yourself dating, try this: suggest a friend who might be a better fit for them, and facilitate their initial conversation. In today’s global dating landscape, we have to be each other’s community. You never know how stepping in to facilitate someone else’s connection might impact you– Apostolic weddings are a great place to meet people. 

Sincerely, and with love,

–Megan

Resources

Our Pastor, Rev. Jimmy Toney, has been teaching an incredible sermon series on the Blueprint for Apostolic Families. I think this is a great set of messages for married and single folks alike! You can check out the first message from the series here. 

Announcements

If you or a female friend are interested in working with me for matchmaking, this is a friendly reminder that we will be re-opening our matching pipeline for new female clients later on this year! You can add your name to the waiting list by visiting https://www.synchronyproject.com/for-her and filling out the form. Please note: there is no seniority to the waiting list; when we re-open for female applicants, everyone will be able to sign up!

Gentlemen: you can get started with matching at any time, for free. Go to https://www.synchronyproject.com/how-it-works to get started.

Pipeline Profile

By the numbers:

• Available women: 154

• Available men: 24

• Matches in progress: 4 (8 people total)

We’ve seen a recent increase in young men under the age of 25 joining the program! We’ve also seen a slight increase in international matching opportunities (Canada, Caribbean nations).